The most important advice new dads Michael and Joseph offer future dads considering surrogacy: “Treat your surrogate like the goddess she is!”

These Australian husbands recently welcomed their daughter, Tiana, through a surrogacy journey in the United States. Now they’re sharing their story to inspire others and pass on the invaluable lessons they learned along the way.

Michael and Joseph started dating in 2010 and quickly established that having a family was important to them both.

“Over the subsequent decade, we continued to discuss our options,” said Michael. But options in Australia were limited for gay and queer future parents.

“We had considered adoption, co-parenting with another couple, and using people we know as a surrogate and egg donor, but each possibility came with challenges and, for one reason or another, going down those paths ended up not being feasible.”

In late 2017, same-sex marriage became legal in Australia, and soon after the couple tied the knot. The topic of kids began to get serious.

“We were both approaching 40, and we were concerned that if we did not make it happen now, we would miss our opportunity,” said Joseph. “At this point, we had been trying for several years to make it happen in Australia without success, so we decided it was time to look abroad.”

So the couple scheduled a few interviews with agencies in different locations in the United States and Colombia based upon how they felt about the regulations in place, standard of operations, and access to health care. Their first meeting was with NewGen Families, and this interview put them on a successful path to parenthood.

“We were so impressed with that conversation that we canceled our meetings with other agencies,” said Michael. “We had an immediate rapport, so we felt safe and confident with them guiding us through our journey.”

After years of their path to parenthood remaining stagnant in Australia, suddenly things were happening! Although a journey in the United States was more expensive than some alternatives, they felt more confident with the process and the services being more established.

“In August 2022, we signed the contract, and the following month we were in the USA to kick off the process,” continued Joseph. While in America, the couple underwent medical evaluations, made sperm donations, and met with Damien Chambers, the founder of NewGen Families.

Soon after, they matched with the first surrogate they met via a video call and established an immediate connection. Things were sailing along.

The future dads kept in contact with their surrogate over the next 10 months, and in June 2023, their embryo was transferred, and it was a success! Joseph and Michael were able to video call in for the procedure which helped with the distance they felt during the process.

“[Our surrogate] kept us up to date throughout the process, sending us scans and test results, and letting us know how she was doing along with photos of the growing baby bump!” said Michael.

In February 2024, Michael and Joseph arrived in the United States, about one month prior to the due date to make sure they didn’t miss anything and to get settled.

“We took some time traveling up the beautiful western coast from California to Oregon, where we finally met our surrogate in person for the first time,” said Joseph. “She and her family were kind enough to open their home to us, which allowed us to spend more time getting to know each other and grow our bond even stronger.”

Michael and Joseph attended the remaining check-ups in person with their surrogate, spoke with the doctor, and were given a tour of the hospital where their child would be born in just a few short weeks.

In the early hours of March 21, 2024, they made their way to the hospital for a planned cesarean.

“Earlier that month it had been snowing, and despite the freezing temperatures, we were numb with nerves and excitement,” said Michael.

At 7:38am, their American princess was born. However, like many births, there were complications.

“She had difficulty transitioning to breathing and was rushed onto a respirator for the first few hours of her life.” Shared Joseph. “It was heartbreaking, as all we could do was hold her hand as she struggled in those first few terrifying hours.”

The dads want to share the difficulties they faced because it’s important to remember that life doesn’t always follow the script we write in our heads.

“For months, we had envisioned the birth and our daughter’s first moments in our arms, crafting a perfect picture in our minds. We had planned every detail, but reality had other plans. Despite the challenges, we are eternally grateful for the incredible team of doctors, nurses, and staff who stepped in and ensured our daughter’s safe arrival.”

When the dads were able to finally hold Tiana in their arms, the experience was even more emotional than they had expected. The new family of three remained in the hospital for the next few days so the doctors could continue to monitor Tiana. They were discharged a few days later.

Michael, Joseph, and Tiana spent the next few weeks with their surrogate while they attended pediatric appointments and waited for the legal paperwork to be processed so they could return home to Australia.

Michael said, “Our surrogate already had two children of her own, so she provided us with a lot of support and useful tips during this time, such as dog poop bags being the perfect size to dispose of dirty nappies. You’re welcome!”

Now, five months home and navigating life as the dads they had once only dreamed of, they have some advice to others considering a surrogacy journey.

“Be prepared, but be ready for the unexpected as life does not always go as planned,” said Joseph. “Apart from the difficulties with the birth, there were also delays with the paperwork that extended our trip.”

“It is also beneficial to have a reserve of funds available,” added Michael. “The process itself was more expensive than we initially estimated, and the time we spent in the USA was also incredibly expensive. We were lucky that our surrogate offered for us to stay with her, because with the exchange rate, tax applied to everything, and needing to tip everyone, we were burning through money in the short time we were there.”

The dads continue to stay in touch with their surrogate, sharing photos and chatting regularly. They dream of one day returning to the United States to visit her and her family. For them, this journey was never just a transaction; it was the beginning of a beautiful story for their daughter, showing her just how much love surrounded her even before she entered the world.